Lifestyles of the Disturbed and Depressed
by Rogue Coulter
Summary: Girl has run some many times.A former X-Men who befriends Pietro in a strange relationship.She only looks for freedom.He tries to give it to her.
1. Imperfect

  
  


Lifestyles of the Disturbed and Depressed

  
  


Chapter1: Imperfect

By: Akira006

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution, I do own the character in which this story is put in their POV.

  
  


Akira: Hello everyone. I've been meaning to make a story like this, and since I've been going through an X-Men: Evo stage, I decided to use the plot with these characters. I'm sorry if some of them seem to be OOC, but I just guessed at how they would react to what happened. To be truthful, this is kinda something I've gone through before. I have a problem with depression, and so does this character. She's kinda made to be like me. Anyways, hope you like it. Please remember to R+R.

  
  


"You don't know what you're saying."

"Fuck! Yes, I know exactly what I'm saying! How can you stand there and say I don't know what the hell I'm talking about?!"

"You don't know what you're saying. You don't understand-"

"What don't I understand?! God, I understand fine!"

He looked at me with a calm face. I just wanted to kill him. I wished he would show some emotion. Anything. I wish he would just get angry, sad, disappointed, anything. He didn't. He sat there with that same look on his face for the past thirty minutes or however long we had been fighting. 'Don't you care?' My mind demanded as I looked at him. Of course not. No one cared what happened to me. I was alone, remember?

So why the hell was I standing here wasting my time on him. "I'm leaving," I whispered as I shouldered my bag and walked out of the room. I should have known. There was Kurt, Scott, Jean, Kitty, and a few others I didn't recognize. They were taking this to a new all time low. "Excuse me," I said softly as I pushed through them and began to walk away. Well, that was easy enough. "Emily!" Spoke too soon. 'I don't want to talk you!' My mind screamed back at them. I just continued walking, picking up my pace a little to give them the idea. 

BAMPH! There was Kurt standing in front of me with pleading golden eyes. "Don't go!"

I smiley sadly at him. As much as I hated to admit it, I'd miss him. The fuzzy dude. I reached out and stroked his furry cheek affectionately. The brother I never had. I walked past him and continued on my way. "See you," I murmured though he was out of hearing reach. 'Never again,' My mind contradicted. It was always putting a damper on things. It was always right.

I was at the door, the exit of my life. The ending and beginning. I felt as though there should be some kind of ceremony or special way to go through doing this. I couldn't think of any on the spot, but it didn't matter. I reached out to push open the door to my freedom. 

"Leaving already?" 

I smiled. Of course, Logan wouldn't let me leave without trying to convince me not to go as well. "Great observation," I commented dryly as I pushed open the door and walked away. My walk went into a jog which broke into a flat out sprint over to the gate. It was locked. They thought that would stop me? I was too close to give up. Right now I didn't care if I had to chop myself up into little pieces, fit them through the gate, and somehow get put them back together. I would go that far just to get away. I took hold of the iron gate and attempted to climb it. This would be harder than I thought. I suddenly felt myself being pushed up by a force underneath me. I nearly toppled over the gate, but I managed to land miraculously on my feet. I looked up and saw Rogue standing there. 

"Thanks," I said with a grateful smile. 

"Get outta here 'fore Ah try to stop ya," Rogue commanded as she turned on her heel and began to walk back towards the Institute. 

Wasn't exactly how I expected us to leave each other. "I'll miss you Rogue!" I called out after her to make sure she knew it. I started walking again. I had no plan, but I really didn't care too much. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. "I'm free!" I screamed out loud, relieved. 

I still went to school everyday. I'd need an education to get a job and take care of myself. The X-men never approached me, only stared from afar. I didn't care. I had no friends but myself, and I was okay with that. 

I sat outside at lunch, eating what I could afford for lunch. I only had so much money, and I didn't want to spend it all before I could get a job. Not to mention, I wasn't about to go graveling back to the Institute. 

"Hey, yo, you stink! Don't they let you take showers at that place?" Todd teased as he hopped in front of me.

I put down my sandwich and looked at him with boredom. "Actually, yes. However, I no longer live at that place and no longer wish to talk about that place. So please see yourself away from me."

"Hey, Todd what's up? Why you talking to one of the X-Geeks?" Lance walked up to us. 'Great,' My mind said while smiling inwardly, 'time to take out your rage.'

"She ain't no longer part of the X-Geeks yo!" Todd told Lance with a grin.

"Oh really?" Lance eyed me suspiciously. "Still, why you talking to her?"

"Cuz she smells man! She needs to take a shower yo! Make her look better!" Todd replied with a sneer in my direction.

"You could use a shower too, you know!" Pietro had zoomed up. He loved to tease Todd like a little bother.

"It wouldn't make a difference," I explained slowly to him, "he's already ugly no matter how many showers he takes."

Pietro and Lance chuckled as Todd glared at me. "Yo that ain't funny!"

"Your friends thought it was," I commented as I stood up. I tossed my half-eaten sandwich into the trash nearby and glanced back at them. "Some friends they are too," I added sarcastically.

"Shouldn't talk like that," Pietro warned as he zoomed up next to me. He walked with me, Lance and Todd trailing along behind. "You haven't got your friends to protect you."

"I don't need their help to kick your ass, Quick," I threw back. He could make all the threats he wanted. 'It's not like he'd actually do anything,' My mind stated matter-of-factly. 

Pietro smirked and stood in front of me, keeping me from retreating any farther. "You ready to carry out that challenge?"

I lifted an eyebrow and put a hand on my hip. 'You've got to be kidding me,' My mind said with a sigh. "Get out of my way," I commanded as I went to get past him. He quickly was before me. I went another way and there he was. I tried to get past a few times with no avail. "You're wearing my nerves thin," I warned. He began to run in circles around me, his evil laugh echoing through the wall that seemed to have formed around me.

He began to taunt me endlessly, "Weren't you gunna kick my ass? What happened to that threat? Not so tough now? Hey, bitch, c'mon! Over here, you're not even trying! Were you too freakish for that place? Huh? Did they dump you cuz you weren't good enough? You're not good enough! They didn't care about you! Hah, lil bitch! C'mon! Your parents dump you too? You've been unaccepted, rejected, chewed up and spit out!" 

I felt a fat, warm tear roll down my cheek. Why was I crying? 'Why did I let him get to me? God, what the hell is wrong with me?!'

"You're screwed! You're so screwed! What's wrong?! You too freakish! Can't be normal? Can't be accepted? C'mon bitch! Try and get me!"

I was sobbing now, sniffs coming every now and then. He was just the voice that was inside my head, telling me how fucked up I was. "Go away," I whispered, hugging myself. 

"Awww! C'mon! Lil bitch can't protect herself? You wanna make me stop? Make me stop! C'mon!"

"Go away."

"C'mon!"

I slowly sank down onto my knees, hunched over with my arms wrapped around myself. I only had myself to turn to. I heard Pietro stop right in front of me. My body was shaking from tears. I was trembling. 'God, don't!' 

"Hey, yo, I think you made her cry," Todd said with confusion.

"Dude, she's really crying," Lance confirmed as he walked over to see me better. 

"Serves the bitch right!" Pietro spat next to my trembling figure. "She couldn't take the challenge. I'm still the best."

They began to walk away. 'No, don't!' I reached out and grabbed Pietro's ankle. "What the hell?!" Pietro looked down at me, confused. I lifted my head slowly, looking up at him through my hair intensely. "Don't," I whispered softly.

"Don't what? Tell everyone that you cried cuz you couldn't take me?" Pietro asked with a smirk.

'He's hopeless,' My mind tried to convince me. 'You can't trust him!' I reached out for his hand. "Help me up, and I'll tell you," I offered, not taking my eyes off his. 

"What do I need to be told?" He asked.

"Everything," I whispered.

"Pietro, let's go!" Lance said impatiently. 

"Wait, this might be interesting, hearing what the former X-Geek has to say."

"Only you can hear," I corrected. 

Pietro looked down at me again. "Only me huh?"

I nodded. "Do you wanna know or not?" I shook my hand to show it was still an offer.

"Alright, I'll take on any challenge," Pietro said with a smirk as he grabbed my hand and pulled me up with ease. I wiped the dirt off my knees and tried to fix my makeup without a mirror. "Well?" Pietro asked impatiently. 

"Come with me," I instructed as I led him away from the school and over to a giant oak on the very outside of the school. I sat down on one of the roots sticking out of the ground and motioned for him to do likewise. He remained standing with his hands crossed over his chest. "Whatever suits you, but it's long," I cautioned. 

"We have school-"

"Do you really care?" I asked. I knew just how to control him. "Thought you could take on any challenge."

"Hell yea!" He plopped down on a tree root across from mine to prove it. "Ok, shoot."

I smiled at him. Such irony. The one I should trust least was the one I was indeed trusting most. I liked that. Besides, the voice inside my head should know the whole truth before making accusations. "Well, it's hard to know just exactly how to begin."

"Just say it!" Pietro interrupted.

"I can't tell it if you don't shut up!" Pietro mumbled something but obeyed. "Alright, as I was saying. It's hard to put into words, but I need to have someone know and lucky you!" I tried to make it sound cheery. He looked at me with a bored stare. "Anyways," I shifted on the root to make it more comfortable. "Four days ago, I ran away from the Institute. I hated Xavier. I hated my life. I had to get away. My life was intoxicating. Everything was set up for me. My whole life was planned out on a sheet that they possessed. I was punished if I ever went against that sheet. 

I had to wake up every morning at 5:00 precisely and be ready to do exactly 6 laps around the Institute. I had to eat everything I put onto my plate. I had to go to school everyday. I had to do my homework when I got home so I could go train at 4:30 until 6:00. I had precisely an hour before I had to go and eat dinner which lasted thirty minutes. Then we would all go watch TV though we had an option to do whatever we wanted. We were to take showers with a limit of fifteen minutes each to make it fair. Then we were put to bed and lights had to be out by 9:30 exactly. Logan and Ororo would go around and check. 

Everyone had their nose in my business. They knew everything about me. They were all so perfect. They were never a minute behind but a minute early. They never had too much but just what they need. They were always close. They were always so happy. I was the outsider of the group. I was always not a minute late but ten. I never had too much but too little. I was always so far away. I was depressed.

As for Xavier, Ororo, Logan, they lied to me. All of em. They made promises that couldn't keep. I guess I don't blame them. I was beyond their reach. It was all my fault that my life was so fucked up. 

I was the one who had a problem with the system. I was the one who couldn't just go along with it. I was the one who had to be a bitch about it. It was me. All me." I sighed heavily and felt tears once again roll down my cheeks as I thought about it all. "Those damn people, though. They leave wounds that will never heal. Some of the things they said to me. Some of the things they did to me. I'll never forget. 

I just couldn't take it. My own life was killing me. I didn't want to wake up each morning. I didn't want to wake up at all, ever. I've jumped from place to place, but I can't talk about that. I ran away because I wanted another chance at a new life. I think I'll get one, but I don't know how it will happen. I guess I'll have to make it happen." I looked at Pietro for the first time during this one sided conversation. He was looking down. 'He doesn't care! Why did you expect him to?!' My mind yelled at me. He looked up when he noticed I had stopped. We just stared at each other for a few seconds of awkward silence. 

"I'm sorry. I can't help you," He said as he stood up and began to walk off.

That's what he thought I was doing? Asking for help from the 'Great Pietro'?! That arrogant bastard! He thought he was the best and everything revolved around him. I just launched myself at him. He turned around in time to have me tackle him onto his back. I pounded my fists into his chest. "What the hell is your problem?!" I was the one screaming this! He pushed me underneath him to keep me from killing him. He held my wrists above my head in a tight grip and used his body weight to keep me down. 

"Maximoff?! What the hell are you doing?!" We both looked up surprised at Scott Summer's voice. "Get off her!"

Pietro was stunned though, and so he was thrown off me. I looked at him, concerned. 'What they hell? Concerned? Well . . . he does know my secret.' 

"You forcing her!" Scott yelled angrily at him. This was creating a scene and other students began wondering over to where we were. Pietro just stared at him emotionlessly. 'Say something! Tell him!' My mind screeched.

"You bastard! You just went to a new low! Even for you!" Scott continued trying to be the hero. I stumbled to my feet. Scott got in front of me as though to protect me. 'Stop trying to play the hero!' I looked at Pietro who was still just staring at Scott emotionlessly. 'What is wrong with you?! Fight back! You did it to me!' 

"Scott, stop," I pleaded, but he didn't hear me. He was blinded by anger. I glanced at Pietro worriedly. 'What's up? You just wanted his ass kicked a few minutes ago! Why not now?' Before anyone could say anything, Scott and Pietro were in a full blown fist fight. Of course, the other Brotherhood members came and began beating up on Scott as well, and the other X-Men came and began beating up on the Brotherhood. Everyone watched in awe at the huge scene before them with me smack dab in the middle. I closed my eyes. 'This is not happening.'

The teachers came and pulled the guys apart, sending them each to the nurse and then the office. It was all my fault as usual. I sighed as I dazed off in my Physics class. It's always my fault, and I'm so sorry. 

The next day Pietro, Lance, Todd, Fred, Scott, Evan, Kurt, and Ray weren't there because they were suspended for the day. I wasn't really even at school. I was off in my own little world of depression. My black chaos that surrounded me when I let it. I was depressed again. I had caused my life to be this way. Every choice I made, every action I took molded me into who I was now. I didn't like who I was now.

It was two days after the fight, and all the boys were back from suspension. I don't know why, but I was looking forward to this day. Despite other feelings, I sought out Pietro all throughout the school day. It was fourth period. I knew he would be there. I eyed his seat until he came in and sat down. 

Pietro turned around during class and looked straight at me. He mouthed something slowly so I could understand it before turning back around. 

'They're not perfect.'

I smiled secretly to myself and diverted my gaze out the window. I needed to hear that.

  
  


A/N: Well, this is as good a place as any to stop right? Hope you liked the first chapter. Please R+R!


	2. Home, Sweet Home

  
  


Lifestyles of the Disturbed and Depressed

  
  


Chapter2: Home, Sweet Home

By: Akira006

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution, but I do own the character this story is put in's POV.

  
  


Akira: Alright guys, you likin it so far? Hope so! Well, um, can't think of anything to say lol. Maybe I will later. As for now, back to work on the story:

  
  


I really needed a home. I was beginning stink. I couldn't wash my clothes. I was only able to keep clean by taking showers in P.E. I was a lot more self-conscious, and yet, I didn't care what the hell people thought about me. That was . . . as long as it wasn't the truth. 

I was afraid to talk or even look at Pietro ever since I had spilled it all. He seemed to return the favor as well as I did. If we were both walking down the hall towards each other, we'd move to the opposite side of the hall and look the other direction. It was completely stupid once you stopped and thought about, but we never did. 

It had been about a month since I had run, and I was out of money. I was flat out broke. I sat outside the Cafeteria, trying to keep from watching everyone eat. I heard girls whisper that I was anorexic. I went a few days without food, and it was killing me. During classes, my stomach would grumble. Plus, our coach decided to start track now. I've already fainted once from fatigue. The nurse gave me some crackers to nibble on. It was like heaven for me. 

So there I sat as I always did, in the same spot outside of the Cafeteria. I wrapped my arms around my aching stomach to make it feel better. It didn't help much, but it did help a little bit. 

"Hey."

I jumped and looked up, surprised that someone was talking to me. My face went white as a sheet. It was Pietro. He shifted on his feet uneasily as he waited for me to say something in return. "Can I sit?" He asked as he motioned for a spot on the bench next to me. I nodded and scooted over to make room for him. "So," I watched as he stumbled over the awkward words. I was pleased he was making an effort though. "How've you been?"

I lifted an eyebrow as though it were obvious. "Pietro, we both know you didn't come over here to ask me how I've been. I'm sure you've already noticed and guessed it anyways."

He thought over what he would say. "What powers do you have?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Well . . . I can control fire."

Pietro nodded his head. "How well can you control it?"

I gave him a look but answered. "Fairly well. What's up with the certain interest in my mutant abilities?"

He shrugged. "Just curious. How bout a demonstration after school?"

"Why?"

"Like I said, I'm just curious. C'mon."

I stared at him for a while. His blue eyes looked convincing, but how could I ever be sure. 'You've trusted him once before!' My mind threw in. "Why not?" I asked myself and nodded. "Alright. Where?"

He smiled or more so grinned. "Meet me in the parking lot after school." He then zoomed off. I sighed heavily. 'What the hell do I get myself into sometimes?'

It was after school already, and I was waiting inside the doorway that led to the parking lot. I saw Pietro walk out and look around. I took a deep breath, hoping it wasn't a sick joke. I shouldered my black book bag and walked outside. He spotted me and smiled. 

"So you showed up," He commented when I was about a foot away from him. I shrugged and walked with him to his green Jeep. "Get in," He instructed. I just stood there like the idiot I was. "Alright, do you want to do out right here then?" He asked sardonically. I sighed and forced myself to get in next to him. "Once an X-Geek, always an X-Geek," He murmured. 

I threw him a harsh glare. "Don't you bring the other guys home?" I asked.

Pietro shrugged. "They'll get home." 

I made a face but kept my mouth shut. We drove for a while. I had no idea where we were going, but I had to admit that I was enjoying the ride. Despite the fact that I was in the car with Pietro, riding to God knows where, it was a nice ride. I had always liked riding with the windows down and the wind in my hair, made me feel free. 

We stopped in a deserted lot much to my surprise. He got out of the car, and I followed suit. It was nothing but a deserted lot. I walked around to the front of the car where Pietro was standing. 

"Well?" He asked impatiently. 

I walked out a ways in front of him. "What do you want me to do?" I asked, a little timid.

"Anything," He answered with a shrug.

I sighed and went over things in my head. I landed on one thing and walked back over to Pietro. I flipped my hand over in front of his face and there was ball of fire in my hand. I closed my hand and it disappeared. "Happy?"

"Wasn't that great," He commented. "Can you do better?"

I sighed and walked back out to where I had stood before. I closed my eyes and concentrated. A dome of fire appeared around me and slowly began to grow bigger and take up more space, moving outward. It stopped about a foot or two from Pietro. I opened my eyes which had a red tint to them and the dome disappeared. "Enough?" I called out to him.

"What else can you do?" He called back.

Why the hell was I doing this? "Why am I doing this again?" I called to him again.

He whipped in front of me. "Cuz I wanted to see what you can do."

"And you've seen."

"Not everything."

"Why must you see everything?"

"Because."

I shook my head and began walking back towards the Jeep. I got in, and Pietro zipped over to me. "Take me home," I commanded.

He seemed to be contemplating something in his head. "Where is home?"

I glared at him and gulped when I didn't have an answer. I looked away from him, ashamed. Tears sprung to my eyes again. All I ever seemed to do was cry in front of him. He was the voice inside my head. He was always right. "Just take me away."

Pietro obeyed to my surprise and pulled out of the lot. We drove back. I didn't enjoy the ride this time. I felt caged again. All my faults were catching up with me. I can never get away no matter how hard I run or how far I go. I'll never get away. I'm the problem. It's all my fault. "I'm so screwed," I groaned aloud.

"We're all screwed more or less," Pietro commented absently.

"I'm way screwed," I objected. He just glanced at me and didn't say another word for the whole drive. We pulled into the driveway of a big manor. Without having ever seen it or being told, I knew it was the Brotherhood's place. I still asked anyways, "Where are we?"

"Home, sweet home," Pietro answered.

  
  


A/N: Short chapter! I'm sorry! I just had to stop it there cuz of the 'Home, sweet home,' thing! Sorry! Please R+R!


	3. No Where, No One

  
  


Lifestyles of the Disturbed and Depressed

  
  
  
  


Chapter3: No Where, No One

By: Akira006

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution, I do own the character in which this story is put in's POV.  
  


Akira: Moving right along here. Already on the 3rd chapter. I probably won't get out with the 1st and 2nd, but I still did it in the same day for the record! Hope I get some reviews! I'm working my butt off on this, but it's fun! (I say that and watch me suddenly stop lol). Well, better hurry! I apologize to Ambrosia for such short chapters. Hopefully, this one will be more of what she was looking for and more satisfying as I'm in a depressed mood myself, and thus, it will more or less reflect in my writing. Also, I'm planning to shine a little light on my character's past. So on to the 3rd chapter.  
  


"Stop being a bitch and give it to me!"

"Nuh uh! You gotta catch me, yo!"

Lance made a dive for Todd who jumped out of the way with ease. "Who's the bitch now, yo?!" Todd teased with a grin as he continued to evade each of Lance's moves and wave the love letter Lance had written to Kitty in front of his face.

I smiled from my spot on the couch, seated uncomfortably across from Pietro and Fred. It was a smile full of misery at the lost memories brought back to my mind. Things I'll never forget. I closed my eyes, allowing the memories to float to my eyes and play back like old movies. 

'Matt! Give it to me!'

'No way, ELMO! Take it from me!'

'Maaaaaaatt! Matt! Give it to me! I'm telling mom!'

I envied these people more fortunate than myself. Despite what they thought, they were a family. Fred, Pietro, Lance, Todd, Wanda, and Raven. Perhaps an incomplete family, but still a family. They had their 'brothers' and 'sister', their 'mother' and 'father.' Things I had forgotten. Things I had left behind. 

I never thought I'd miss them. All I thought about was myself. I didn't give a damn about what the hell they thought or felt. It was all about me! Everything they spent so much money and time and patience on me I hated. I hated being the best dancer at my studio. I hated having the best grades at my private school. I hated being perfect and having the highest standards. I hated being shown off like a china doll to everyone. I hated my life. 

I was so tired of waking up every morning and putting on fake smiles to show the world when I stepped outside my own room. I never said I wanted to be perfect. What really killed me was that I couldn't change my lifestyle. I knew that if I did, I would kill everyone who loved me, who loved what I was. I knew that if I did change, it would be to go downhill and start over, and I couldn't bear to take everyone down with me. What I wanted so badly was another chance at life with the freedom to be who I was. I wasn't happy with who I was.

I was living a lie. I felt so fake. I was truly living a double life, or I had a split personality. On nights with my parents, I was perfect, artistic, angelic, shy, ballerina Emily. I hated those nights. I hated my parents. My father disgusted my beyond any possible liking. He treated me like a little baby, but he came in handy to use when I needed something. My mother on the other hand, wouldn't let me be me. She turned me into the fake persona I was around my family and their friends. She was the reason I hated myself so much. She pretended to care, but on nights when I was myself, she told me things that I would never forget. 

'I'm ashamed to have you go out the door like that.'

'You look like shit.'

'I'm so tired of this Gothic, Satanic shit!'

She thought I was a witch and blamed it all on my best friend. It wasn't her fault, and I tried to explain it to my mother. I had a free will! I was the one who choose to do those horrible deeds my parents believed their little angel was incapable of even thinking up. What the hell did they expect from me?! I was just a kid, and they were already forcing me to throw my life away and dedicate myself to things I wasn't ready for! 

I couldn't tell them that late in the night I was awake in my bathroom with the door closed crying to myself on the tiled floors. I couldn't tell them that I felt like I was choking from all of that. I couldn't tell them that my cuts on the outside went deeper than they'd ever know. I stopped talking completely some days. I had few friends because of this. They thought I was a stuck up bitch who couldn't lower herself down to their level. The only thing they didn't know was that I was already below them, so far below them. I needed an escape.

I looked around me, suddenly feeling all the pain built up the years being magnified. This room, this manor was too intoxicating. I got up off the couch and began backing away towards the door. 

"I-I-I have to go," I whispered as I made a dash for the door and ran outside into the cold night. I can't take it! 'Why can't they leave me alone?!' Didn't they know all I wanted was to be alone?! Just let me die alone! Let me be alone to die in my misery and self pity as I was already doomed to do! 

I can't have a new life. I can't take it! I felt the tears in my eyes, but they were held back by some unknown force. Let me cry and be in misery and depression. Let me release all my pain, anger, frustration! "Just cry, dammit!" I pleaded to myself. I wasn't allowed that privilege. All my mistakes won't ever leave. I've already put them behind, haven't I? 

'No,' My mind answered sadly. 'Because all those mistakes you made were the worst mistakes you could have ever made. 'If you leave, you can never go back.' Remember?' I could have sworn I would never have wanted to go back. I could have sworn I would never have longed to have that family again. I could have sworn I would never have wanted to feel loved again. I could have sworn I would never miss being so un-alone. 'If you leave, you can never go back.' 

That's right! You were right all along, Brandon! I was too young and stupid to listen to you. I was too sure that this would be the right thing to do, but it was the worst thing. I'm so sorry I caused you so much pain and tears. Those were my tears to cry! You should have never shed them! God, did anyone know how sorry I was for all my mistakes besides myself? No . . . I'd never give them the chance to know. I can't swallow my pride and admit I was wrong. 

I didn't need much now even if I had nothing. I just needed to held and told it would all turn out alright. Somehow lying to yourself doesn't work as well as someone else telling you the same things. However, I still wrapped my arms around myself and whispered, "It'll all be alright. It'll turn out for the better. You'll see." This didn't help at all, but I forced myself to try and feel better. 'You've gotta get over this.' 

Why couldn't life be like the books your parents used to read you before you went to sleep? The stories where the knight in shining armor defeated the evil upon the land, saved his beautiful princess from death, and they both fell in love and lived happily ever after for all time. Things always turned out for the better. Or why couldn't life be like back when you were a child? Everything was wonderful and made sense. 

I grabbed my bag out of Pietro's Jeep and flipped it open, feverishly searching for that picture. Finally, I found it and looked at it through blurry eyes. A picture I had taken from under the magnet on our fridge at home before I left. It was a picture of my family. I was in the front next to my brother with a bouquet of roses in the crook of my arm and smile on my face. My mom was behind me, smiling beautifully and happily, with my father beside her, smiling as well. My brother usually didn't smile, but he made an attempt in the picture. 

It was torture keeping this picture! It just showed what I would never have again. 'It is what you have left behind!' My mind yelled at me angrily. I couldn't keep this anymore. It would only cause me more pain. I took it in both my hands, looking at it one more time before ripping it in half and in half and in half and in half and in half until it was nothing but fragments of its former self. 'Like me.' I regretted ripping up the picture almost immediately after thinking that. 'You're so screwed!' I threw the pieces into my book bag angrily. 

'Why can't you be normal?!' Aside from the fact that I had mutant powers, I couldn't even pretend to be normal by not using them. I was screwed through and through. 'I'll never ever, ever, ever be normal.' It was so hard to take all this. It was too much for me to think about. I had tried to get help, but no one could help me. 'I can't even help myself.'

I couldn't rid myself of this pain and suffering. It was like a bad itch you can't reach or a hunger you can't satisfy. It just kept eating and eating at my insides until there was nothing left but a disturbed and depressed teen. I felt like I was going insane from all this. I just can't handle it all, and so I can never be rid of it. I felt like my brain was having an over load. 

I leaned against the Jeep and took deep breathes, trying to force them through the lump in my throat. I swallowed it down and sucked up my tears. 'You can't live like this,' I told myself. I needed help, but I had no options. By running, I had limited everything. I had no where to go, and no one to turn to for help. I can't go back. I put a cold hand to my heated forehead, wiping away the cold sweat. 'Just deep breaths, let it go.' I can't.

Now what was I supposed to do? There was no place for me here . . . anywhere. I had no money, no job, no home, 'no family . . .' That's right. I have no family anymore, I left them because I thought they left me. I distanced myself from them unintentionally. I had to get this out of me.

I was about to burst from all of this bottled up inside of me for so long. I ran away when I was thirteen years old, and here I am going on my fifteenth birthday. Two long years of loneliness, bottled up secrets, and depression. I had to tell someone, but I couldn't trust anyone. 'Pietro.' I grinned at that. 'I can't trust anyone with this. Not Pietro, not anyone. This is my greatest secret. The only one I can trust is myself.' I have to get it out some way though. I idly took a stick and began drawing circles in the dirt. Circles turned to words. Words became a letter to all those people I hurt.

'Can you forgive me again? I don't what I said, but I didn't mean to hurt you. I heard the words come out and felt that I would die. It hurt so much to hurt you. Then you look at me. You're not shouting anymore. You're silently broken. I'd give anything now to kill those words for you. Each time I say something I regret, I cry. I don't wanna lose you, but somehow I know that you will never-'

My letter was interrupted as the Brotherhood walked through the half-open door and regarded me with questioning eyes. I stood there like a deer in headlights before looking down embarrassedly and allowing the stick to drop from my hand into the dirt. 

"I thought you had to leave," Fred commented. Lance nudged him, signaling that it was something he should not have said.

I cracked a weak smile. "No where to go, no one to go to," I murmured to myself. I shouldered my book bag and walked away from the manor similar to the way I had done it years ago.   
  


A/N: Well, I hope you liked it. This chapter took a little longer than the others, but I'm happy with the result. I hope I didn't confuse anyone or anything. Please R+R!


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